Albrecht Dürer, Draughtsman Drawing a Recumbent Woman, 1525.
I fall asleep with you and I don’t move for those four hours, thinking about how all the pictures of you have glaring inaccuracies, deficiencies, limits in magnitude. They are bad measurements of ill-fitting clothing. They are hastiness and schlockiness. Stop-motion that becomes improper in photographic light. Now I kick myself in my wish to hold your image, to regard you, to have you as an object of my gaze.
The whole problem of the renaissance was that Duer’s draughtsman, looking through his grid made of slung-tight wires, dick poking his eye, he looked through them to see Her, recumbent woman (was she his? Did he possess her? I wonder.). Now in jigsaw she sits for him. Now in more than a mere pose she lays but now printed, wire-cut, reproduced, jerked into a kind of materiality that I wanna say is so base, so mindless. The kind of dreams that a xerox machine would have. The draughtsman’s world being the one that lacks sentiment beyond the desire to hold; grubbiness.
Barthes says he is held by the image. In “The Third Meaning”, He insists: “No, for I am still held by the image.” Beyond the icon, beyond the symbol, beyond the narrative - that there is a third meaning, a personal meaning, an intimate rupture into meaning.
Christian Metz says the photograph is a cut inside the referent (“Photography and Fetish”). Places where violence and intimacy collect in the same pool of unconscious and memory. My sticky swarm where in vain I have tried to carve out a place for you placard. The bust of the other. But then I pinch myself for even attempting to represent them, to represent you, to represent the other. And I see in all the pictures I took of you yesterday at a diner at 2am in center city that there are all these impossible ellisions I have missed. Pictures from which I am unable to wring even a likeness. And so my fantasy about holding you changes. It must. I wonder if a movie of you might be better because it cannot be stopped, it is only strings and sequences. We hope it behaves much more like consciousness than the deficient photograph. I wonder what appears when I utter you to myself.
10:01 am • 1 October 2013 • 2 notes
A Lover’s Discourse, Roland Barthes, 1978.
Is that what happens, one just gazes on the other and they stare back at you? Mutual abyss. I can’t look at any pictures of you because none of them regard me. I’ve got no Winter Garden photo of you, no mythic Barthesian image, no overlay, because we are still alive.
11:00 pm • 30 September 2013 • 7 notes
Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse. I can’t look at this shit directly, I avert my eyes, I make my screenshots of these figures fuzzy and mest up because they are too evocative, too much, overbearing, too lovely.
10:52 pm • 26 September 2013 • 6 notes
Wayne Koestenbaum on transience, quintessentializing queer desire, and problems with psychoanalytic narrative
A love for opera particularly on record is a nostalgic emotion and gay people are imagined to be a uniquely and tragically nostalgic population , regressive, committed to dust an souvenirs. A record, a memento, a trace of an absence, suits the quintessentially gay soul, whose tastes are retro and whose sexuality demands a ceaseless work of recollection : because queers do not usually have queer parents, queers must invent precedent and origin for their taste, and they are encouraged by psychoanalytic models to imagine homosexuality as a matter of trauma and adaptation. My attachment to records becomes just another fetish : I’m a gay man identifying with transience, a gay man standing in the way of generation.
The Queen’s Throat, Wayne Koestenbaum, 1993.
10:08 am • 13 September 2013 • 9 notes
From Entropy by Peregrine
On fight or flight, with the basic example of the predator-prey paradigm: The thing is, the cheetah won’t always eat the impala. Many predators need the emotional intensity of the pursuit of prey in order to make the kill. So if the impala goes into freeze before the cheetah catches up, very often it thinks the impala to be dead, loses interest and simply walks away. The vast majority of predator/prey interactions end with the prey getting away.
Psychology thinks people are personalities. Somatic psychology views ppl as organisms driven by biological impulses and believes our personalities to be expressions of this human organism.
Somatic Experiencing is not greatly concerned with the story of a traumatic event.
Trauma symptoms are considered expressions of a disregulated nervous system, and it is this disregulation that results in cognitive and behavioral problems.
As long as people don’t feel their bodies, we’re wasting our time and theirs trying to do talking psychotherapy.
And though bodies do have memories, they do not use words.
10:38 am • 12 September 2013 • 3 notes
Here’s a photo msg I just sent to @derikrose: I identify as a book reader right now also but I also just watched velvet goldmine on my phone and so rly had to paint my nails. Seeing my mom tmrw also and I wanna spruce up 4 her.
11:15 pm • 8 September 2013
Ana Mendieta, Untitled (Silueta Series), c. 1978
vintage color photograph
Alison Jacques Gallery, The Estate of Ana Mendieta Collection, London
1:30 pm • 7 September 2013 • 123 notes
Tilda Swinton sublimating into a cheeseburger. Tilda Swinton in her law office in Female Perversions by Susan Streitfield, 1996. The opening title for this film is a passage by well known psychoanalyst Louise Kaplan who says that all these American women suffer the female perversion by accepting their lot as stereotype. Kaplan goes on to say that we reroute our aggressions and sexual desires as women, and that this is what makes us perverse. Kaplan is arguing that the realization of the cultural idea is a perversion. Perversion is a dislocation, in this case an overdetermined position of classical femininity where desire gets away from us, pure feeling poured out into stereotypes and therefore lost. In this scene the ambitious female lawyer chomps on a cheeseburger, laments the date she lost bc she was too busy preparing for a career opportunity, studies late into the night at her office eating shit while she also kinda just waits by the telephone…
1:53 pm • 5 September 2013 • 4 notes
Sent @turnlizer this selfie to commemorate the end of my Boy Meets World middle part
1:41 pm • 5 September 2013 • 3 notes